


A Night Swim

by VioletEyes23



Series: What's Better Than One Edgy Boy? [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Bisexual zuko, Bonding, Ember Island (Avatar), Episode: s03e17 The Ember Island Players, Jet is dead, Jetko, Katara and zuko are friends, M/M, Mourning, Not as sad as the first one, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 09:10:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21371683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletEyes23/pseuds/VioletEyes23
Summary: Zuko can't sleep after the play and decides to go for a swim to distract himself. Apparently Katara can't sleep either so she joins him in what turns into a conversation about their shared past.Kind of inspired by thispostby Tumblr user gayavatarstyle
Relationships: Jet/Zuko (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: What's Better Than One Edgy Boy? [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538971
Comments: 22
Kudos: 279





	A Night Swim

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy it and don't forget to comment as each one adds a year to my life!

The night following the play, he wakes up before sunrise. He must've slept for maybe 3-4 hours, and even that is just barely. He thinks about waking Aang up so that they can practice, the comet is getting nearer and they can't waste any time. But the Avatar, the 12-year-old kid, has trouble waking up at sunrise with him, and Zuko can't help but think it would be cruel force him. He'll let him have a few more hours, a small gift. 

But he can't lie in bed any longer. Because he wants to. He has learned by now that the things he wants are not always good for him.

So he gets up and uses the washroom. He has to wash his face but he can't bear to look at it. So he doesn't light the lamps. He hates crying. Despises it. He rubs his face with water without glancing once at the mirror in the moonlit room.

He doesn't like mirrors anyway.

That was something he shared with Azula.

Thinking of Azula just reminds him of the stupid play again and he wonders if he will _really _die at the hands of his little sister. He hopes not. He doesn't think Azula ever actually killed before. It would be too much for her to have her brother's blood in her hands.

Well, look at him. He's getting softer.

Ugh, that stupid fucking play.

He gets dressed in the dark thinking it doesn't make a difference anyway.

He leaves his room, deciding that he wants that night swim. He needs to do something to get his mind to stop. As he starts descending the stairs, someone whisper shouts at him. 

"Zuko! Is that you?"

When he looks back up where he came from, he sees Katara standing at the top steps. They no longer have any hostility, in fact, they can even be called friends, but Zuko still doesn't find their relationship easy the way it is with Sokka or even Aang.

"Katara. Yeah, I couldn't sleep, so…"

Katara seems to think about what he just said for a mere moment before she whispers again.

"Wait up."

He does. They don't talk again until they leave the house. After they step outside the door he sees her take a deep breath on the edge of his vision, enjoying the moon on her skin the way someone might enjoy the sun. Then she finally asks.

"What are you going to do?"

Zuko glances at the ocean and then back at her to reply.

"I thought I'd go for a swim. It's a beautiful night."

Katara just nods.

"That's a good idea. Let's do that."

They are silent again as they walk down to the beach. He wants to talk to her and he thinks that she needs to talk about some things as well but even after she stopped hating him, they only hang out together when the others are there and he doesn't _know _how to talk to her alone. 

He's bad at things like this.

They make it to the beach, and stop to take their shoes off before stepping on the sand. It feels cool under his feet and looks almost grey in the moonlight. He gets near the ocean to take his clothes off and doesn't need to check if she's coming. Sometimes he thinks Katara is just pulled to big bodies of water without her control. If there is an ocean she will touch it. 

Besides, it's probably good for her to have such an open field to practice her bending. Some days the beach is too crowded for her to waterbend.

He just walks into the ocean, not pausing to feel the cold. And it is cold. He is a good swimmer after many summers spent here and almost 3 years on a ship. He is fast. But as he swims straight ahead to get deeper Katara just flies past him.

That's **not fair! **He can even hear her laughing as she passes. This wasn't a race!

He just forces himself to swim faster to catch up, only to see that Katara has stopped a couple of meters away. She's just floating on the water lying on her back.

When he makes it to where she is, Zuko is embarrassingly out of breath. He curses at himself for trying to compete with a damn _waterbender _in a swimming contest.

Oh, well.

He doesn't want to ruin her tranquillity, she looks much calmer than she did before they left the house. So he just joins her, floating on his back. They are pretty close, but not enough to have any physical contact. Their friendship is not ready for that.

But he thinks he might try something new. He can try to get her to talk about what's bothering her. Besides, he has a pretty good guess anyway.

Before he can turn his thoughts into action, Katara beats him to it.

"What's been bothering you since the play? Apart from the obvious shitty ending?"

Before he became friends with the group, he would **never **in a million years think that Katara could curse. Ever. However, now he can firmly say that she does. She doesn't curse all the time but when she does, it usually comes from deep within. She means it. It is a bit scary but also endlessly funny. 

He's so taken by her choice of words that he almost doesn't realise she asked him a question.

Damn it! He wasn't quick enough to ask first and now he has to say something. He doesn't want to just blow her off, their tentative friendship deserves more than that. But bringing up their shared romantic history just doesn't feel right.

_'Oh yeah, I'm just bummed about Jet. You know the kid you made out with who died. Did you know that we also had a thing? His damn tongue, am I right?' _

He doesn't think he can talk about Jet with anyone. But he needs to. He has to. And who would be better than Katara? She must be thinking about the boy as well. Feeling some of the things Zuko does.

After a moment of contemplation, he just decides to say it. With a war, days away, this feels like the stupidest thing to ponder.

"I knew Jet. After you guys. When Uncle and I were going to Ba Sing Se, he was also on the ferry."

He can't bring himself to say the rest so he waits for a reply. Some time to gather his courage back together.

Katara is silent for what feels like too long. He can't see her like this, so she can't see him. Under the weight of her silence, he feels naked.

_'She knows. She knows you kissed that boy. She knows that boy would be alive if he had never met you. She hates you again. They all will once they know. He would be alive. It's your fault. If you weren't such an abomination, if your father could stand the sight of you, if you hadn't taken Uncle with you, if you weren't firebenders, if the Fire Nation hadn't attacked the rest of the world and if Jet's parents had not died, Jet would still be alive.' _

He doesn't realise his breathing is getting faster. His heart is ramming in his chest. His skin is cold. He is going to drown and Katara will watch and he's-

He feels the water pick him up, lifting him to the surface and now he's sitting _on _the ocean. Katara is next to him, her hands moving the water to her desires. The ocean gently carries them to the shore and places them on the sand. She comes to sit in front of him, facing him.

"Breathe with me Zuko. Match my breathing, come on."

He does. He can't look at her out of fear that she'll figure him out the moment she sees his face, but he can match her breathing. Once he calms down enough, Katara just lays down on the sand next to him and starts talking. Zuko thinks it's smart so he copies her. This way they won't have to see each other as they talk.

"He was the coolest boy I had ever met. Not that I met so many boys but still. When I first met him he was so blinded by rage though. He was so angry and he was taking it out of the wrong people. I like to think he would become a better person in Ba Sing Se, that he would actually help people. I don't know if the thought of it makes it better or worse."

His eyes burn. But he controls it. He can feel Katara looking at him with a side glance.

"He would be. He was good at what he did…"

He hates those words. They feel wrong in his mouth. Too superficial to mean anything. Like he didn't know the boy, not that he knew him _well. _But he knew the _essence _ of the boy.

Katara doesn't respond to that. There is nothing she can say. Zuko feels like she expects more.

He blurts the next words.

"We were close. I mean, we had gotten close. On the ferry. So…"

She still expects more but Zuko doesn't think he can give her that. Saying the words, admitting to what they did will make it real. He can't bear that.

An angry voice inside him spits out.

_'You can't admit to kissing a dead boy, is it? Oh, how hard it must be for you. Well, he is dead so who cares right? What happened between you two can die with him. If you never speak of it, you can pretend that it never happened. He can't ruin it for you. Another thing about him can be forever forgotten.' _

And that's the thing, isn't it? Last night, or a couple of hours ago, he kept thinking who was going to remember Jet and now he couldn't even admit to what they did, trying to forget. It felt like killing the boy all over again, to never speak of their memories together.

He could not do that. He was going to remember Jet.

He sat up.

"We kissed."

He said the words with the utmost determination.

"So did we. He was my first kiss."

Zuko has to look at her because he can't believe that's all she says.

Katara is just looking at the stars, her face completely blank.

"He was the first...ugh. The first boy. For me. That I, uh...kissed."

It's physically painful to say the words, his voice going quiet on the last one.

Katara finally sits up as well and turns to him.

"Did you like him?"

His face grows hot at the question. He hates that she sat up to ask this, to see his face when she asked this. He knows he can't hide it and he doesn't even know what he's hiding.

Her eyes are powerful though. They force his to meet them. He nods, his voice almost a whisper.

"I think I did. I really did."

He can feel wetness on his face and his eyes are burning. He snickers to himself.

_'I guess that was not the kind of burn I could control.' _

He hates crying. He hates doing it in front of people even more. He can't look at Katara.

There is a hand on his shoulder. She must've moved. Now the hand becomes an arm wrapped around his back. When he glances sideways, Katara is not looking at him but the ocean. He thanks her in his head.

Maybe they can talk more about this one day. But he has done enough talking for today. Besides, he needs to be up and training with Aang in a few hours and he'll need the time to pull himself back together.

He will-  
**No. **  
**They **will remember the boy.  
He'll make sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Zuko and Katara talk. I know Katara is not very talkative in this but I think that she would have her own things to think about, like the kiss with Aang, the war and her past with Jet, so that's why I wrote her like that. I am also not confident on my writing of Katara. Zuko and Katara having a great friendship is my kink btw.


End file.
